Facebook and junk

Yeah I know I never post here anymore.  Honestly I have no desire too lately.  I don’t know if that’ll change or not anytime soon…  Or ever.  But this is way too long for a Facebook post (and it isn’t just one person and I don’t know entirely who all is involved so directly messaging them is not going to work) so I’m doing it this way.  Forgive me if I ramble here,  there’s several issues tumbling around in my head and I’m a bit all over the place. 

So I’m getting some slack over Facebook posts again.  

First off,  I did not intend to come out on Facebook.  Ever really.  I came out to Jas.  I came out to a few other people I trust.  Despite posting a lot on Facebook,  I really don’t like attention overall.  Shy.  Introverted.  It may be 100% easier for me to talk online, but still.  Beyond sharing articles or memes that catch my attention for one reason or another or the crazy things that happen in our lives (mostly because I’m alone with kids all lol) it just isn’t going to happen.  At the same time I didn’t want to out right hide it anymore either.  That shit causes issues and has for me,  I can’t do that anymore.  

So yes I posted an article here and there when they came up over situations going on. I share jokes from those pages a lot,  because I share jokes (ESP puns)  all the fucking time no matter what page they’re on.  A few people caught on pretty fast just from that,  which was fine…  And it would have stayed there but for a specific situation this summer.  

I can’t/won’t go into details,  but a friend needed help and outing myself was the easiest way to do it.  By that point I didn’t care as much.  So yes I posted more and was more open. Put it on my profile.  Life continued,  the situation sorted itself out of sorts.  By the time Bi Pride day and Coming out day came around I didn’t think twice about posting a couple things and then moved on.  

Maybe I should have made a full post on it and explained,  but I didn’t want to make a big deal about it.  I knew a few people wouldn’t like it,  but I didn’t think it was going to be this big of a fucking issue.  

So for anyone “concerned”.

Yes I am bisexual.  

Don’t worry about my marriage.  Jason and I are great.  He’s an amazing and supportive husband.  I’m not going to cheat on him.  I don’t fucking do that.  I hate cheating.  I hate lying.  Repeating I. Hate. Lying.  Won’t leave him either.  He’s stuck with me.  

No I’m not going to completely stop liking or sharing posts if they’re something I…  Like… Or if I think they say something that needs saying.  Or are about an issue that is important to me.  Just because you’re tired of hearing about it or don’t agree doesn’t mean it isn’t important to someone else.  

Keep in mind I’m not actually sharing 99% of those posts.  If it’s public and I like it,  the post will show up in your feed.  I can’t control that.  You can.  I can’t.  I’ve tried.  

On that note,  I am here at home 90% of the time.  I have horrible horrible anxiety around people and phone calls.  There’s only so much I can do with this shit.  I have sent emails,  I have made calls,  I try to go out when there are protests (not that I always make it) so assuming that I just sit behind a computer and complain (yes that’s been said too) is insulting on top of being bull shit..  But sharing the info can be helpful to a point.  And…  It’s my page.  I’m not going to other people’s and posting shit (which has also happened on mine).  I’m not telling anyone else what to post,  even when I disagree with it.  If it’s someone I think will have a reasonable discussion I may comment..  Because I have had some great conversations with friends that disagree on stuff…  But others I just ignore.  It isn’t that hard.  I will admit I’m floored by what a few people have said or posted lately,  the same way they are by me.. But I’m trying hard to stay polite.  I would like the same respect.  

How we raise our kids is up to me and Jas. I am,  always will be up for recieving advice..  But our kids have been,  and will continue to be,  raised in a tolerant household.  I love my kids.  End of discussion. 

If you have an issue with me,  or a question about me,  or whatever…  Come to me.  Trust me anyone else that would know me well enough to answer,  other than maybe Jas,  will tell you to anyway.  

As crazy as the last few years have been,  I have no regrets over coming out.  That it took so long yes.  Over all the hel I went through before yes.  But not over this.  Jas and I are closer than ever.  Mental health wise I’m doing a fuck ton better.  Going back in the closet is a non option.  

If anyone doesn’t like that, too bad.  You don’t have to like me.  I’m completely OK with that.  I’m not going to apologise for being myself.  I’m not going to try to be someone else.  

MPM 13 March -20 March Lent & Irish Week edition

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Yes I have an extra day added in… Partly because I’m starting Irish week on the 13th and partly because I haven’t been posting lately so that meal isn’t up anyway.  I really need to get back to posting too… I like the planner I’m using here, but they tear off weekly and I end up with no record of what we’ve been having :-/

Sunday – Dubblin Coddle

Monday – Bubble & Squeak

Tuesday – Bangers & Mash

Wednesday – Dubliner Cheese stuffed Chicken Breasts

Thursday – Bacon & Cabbage, Champ

Friday – Colcannon

Saturday – Stuffed Rabbit (may be changed…)

Sunday – Pork Chops

 

Where’d the Time Go?

Gah, I just realized how long it’s been since I posted ANYTHING…

Short version… Life with twins/5 kids is insanely crazy more often than not. I love it… and honestly, so far, it really hasn’t been bad. But still crazy and busy and exhausting. And we moved! Finally… So add in all that goes with that. I’m still not done unpacking (but getting closer and closer).

The kids are doing well in school, even if it’s been a bit of a mess. They were at one last semester and moved to another this. Noone was really happy about it, and we’re hoping to put them back at the other next semester. This one isn’t bad, it just doesn’t have all of the options the other has and ZJ needs.

ZJ… was tested for SPD and Austim at the first school.  He definately has SPD, but was just a few points shy of the cutoff for Autism.  Which on one hand is great (not to say it wouldn’t be either way – we just wanted to know), on the other means he doesn’t qualify for anything with the district. We worked out a plan to get him as much help as we can right now though, and the second school is (somewhat) attempting to follow it. He’s still making progress there at least and some of it is bigger than the progress he was making before even.

Kalila I feel worse for, just too many changes one after another. She’s still doing great… but she misses her friends and is going back over things they had already covered, so she’s a bit bored too.

Keiran I’m trying to work with at home, but that’s easier said than done right now… We signed up for a trial of reading eggs recently though, and he absolutely loves it. He’s right in the middle of his 3’s though and it shows. He is a handful lol.

Anisa & Leith… They’re 8 months old now. It has flown by… Both are crawling and cruising all over the place. Nici has 2 teeth fully in, and 2 more coming through. Leith is still toothless lol. Both eat everything in sight. They fight like mad, not all the time… they play just as often… but still over everything.  The worst bit is while nursing… I try to avoid tandem when possible because it never fails they decide they want the same side and start shoving, pinching, etc…

Charlie had to go stay with a friend. Noone is really thrilled about it, but there’s just no way she could stay in an apartment.

And I guess that’s it for now…

MPM 24 August – 30 August

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Before I post my menu, last weeks new recipe (the lemon butter chicken) was a huge hit. I had to adjust a bit, partly because I can’t/won’t use thyme (I don’t want to risk drying up… I’m sure the amount in it would be fine, but not a risk I’m willing to take with twins) and partly because  we only had drumsticks. I really thought we had the thighs, but oh well – it worked just fine!

Taking a break from our normal beans & rice Monday night this week too.  Today was the first day of school (not sure I’m ready to talk about that lol) and it’s one of the kids favorite meals… plus is always nice to have Baba cook!

Monday – Brinner

Tuesday – Carnitas

Wednesday – Creamy Mushroom Chicken

Thursday – Spaghetti

Friday – Tilapia

Saturday – Beef Fajitas

Sunday – Ranch Pork Chops

MPM 17 Aug – 23 Aug

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We ended up a bit off menu last week, but I did manage to try the new recipe that I snuck in… The beef & broccoli.  I’m really happy with it. Kalila was the only one who didn’t like it… which is saying something because Baba can’t stand cooked broccoli normally.  Is definitely going to be made again 🙂

Monday – Beans & Rice

Tuesday – Lemon Butter Chicken

Wednesday – Beef Stroganoff

Thursday – Jalapeño Popper Chicken

Friday – Salmon & Asparagus 

Saturday – Philly Cheese Steak Stuffed Peppers (moved from last week…)

Sunday – Oven Fried Pork Chops

Our Week

No quick takes this week…

 Mom (Granny) came in on Sunday and stayed until Weds morning.  The kids had a blast of course…                                   11822853_10155893318940103_128878129158271071_n 11831778_10155893154900103_8715391180040375008_n 11866386_10155893674620103_2758531906695194758_n 11873414_10155902139675103_387781888234866059_n11817232_10155896611470103_6396199060530233365_n

Baba enrolled Kalila & ZJ in school… Sigh… I have mixed feelings honestly.  I liked homeschooling last year… I liked the Circle School the two years before… Not an option for us this year sadly, and I get that… but I hate the idea of where they’re at even if everyone else around me feels the exact opposite. But on the other hand, it does equal out to some kind of a break during the day… and I’m still doing school with Keiran (not nearly as involved, he’s only 3) and a good chance still doing Spanish with Kalila after school, unless by some chance she has it there… Trying to focus on that lol.

I’m sure there were other things that happened… but that’s about all I can think of at the moment.

7 Quick Takes – Aug 7

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  1.  Yeah I’m actually on here and writing… Once again not promising it’ll continue, so don’t count on it lol. I’m blaming the desktop being up… easier to type. But seriously I just feel like writing tonight…
  2. Keiran is 3 years old today!  I can’t believe how big he’s getting. He’s still the funniest little guy I know… which is saying something since I’m surrounded by funny guys 😀 I kept asking him earlier how old he is (he does know) and he’d yell 60…  Baba took him out for a haircut earlier too. I loved his long hair, but the bangs were driving me batty.                                                                    11811465_10155884728105103_4495628183176677370_n 11863245_10155883999925103_3689506748086976876_n
  3.  3.  World Breastfeeding Week –  We went to the latch on last Saturday… One of Baba’s cousins stayed with the older three and we took the twins. It was a lot of fun and I ended up meeting another twin mom there. I also had my first (and hopefully only) bf picture reported as nudity instance… which was more than a little amusing as I had the baby in a ring sling and absolutely nothing was showing.                                                      11825032_10155861544090103_1981380621602123494_n
  4. Getting stuff ready for Kalila and ZJ to start school. I have serious mixed feelings about it. Kalila’s excited if still extremely upset that she won’t be at the Circle School. ZJ, I have no way to gauge what he’s really thinking. He seems resigned to the idea, but shuts down if we mention his teacher might be a woman.  Baba’s thrilled that they’re going to his old school (or at least that’s the plan).  Me… Part of me is looking forward to having something of a break… and part of me would really rather be homeschooling again. I enjoyed it last year.  I’m still failing to see how it’s impossible to do with babies, esp when so far they’ve been easier than the pregnancy was.  Whatever though, we’ll give it a shot.
  5. Speaking of babies.. they’re growing like crazy too. It really hit me today when I was changing Anisa’s diaper. We’ve been putting them in OS diapers for awhile now even though technically they don’t fit right.. We have nb covers for our prefolds, but not nearly enough… so it was just easier to move them in the BG’s and Freetimes that we were given by another twin mama here in town (so thankful for them, it’s a decent sized stash & they’re such a help).  Well today I was putting one on Anisa & the fit was perfect. Too fast… just too fast.
  6. Granny is coming this weekend. We’re all looking forward to that…
  7. On similar note, the boys went to stay with Gran last weekend too. They had a blast as always… and it gave us a chance to go out together to run errands and go to Church. Its the first time I’ve been since well before the babies were born and their first time period. Was nice…

Our Double Rainbow :-)

Well… I’m going to make myself sit down and write this finally lol.  The twins are a month old now, and I just flat out can’t believe it’s flown by so fast. But here we go… Leith & Anisa’s birth story 🙂

*I probably should include a trigger warning here before I start*

We planned to have another out of hospital birth… I knew from the beginning that there’s a chance it may not go that way, but that was the plan.  We saw the same midwife we had with our older boys (well one of, the other was going to be here too though and we saw her at one of the visits). I tried to make backup plans in case we needed to transfer, but had a hard time doing so… We did talk about it during appointments though.

Most of the pregnancy was pretty uneventful. It flew by… even at the end. I won’t lie and say it was easy… It was my hardest pregnancy. It wasn’t horrible either though… Babies and I were healthy… There were plenty of days that I was doing great… some were harder and I needed a lot of help on those days.

Towards the end two things happened… One, Anisa stayed breech.. The other was my iron and platelets dropped really low.

The first wasn’t a major problem. She was baby A, but being out of hospital meant I still had a good chance of a natural birth.. We discussed adding in a third midwife with a lot of breech (and twin!) experience, and they talked to her when my 38 week scan showed they were still breech.

The second had to change though… So we worked hard on getting those numbers up.

When we started coming up on 40 weeks (and getting excited because it looked like we might actually make it that far) we decided to go in for another scan because Leith kept moving around on us and no one was sure what position he was in.  I had an appointment w/ the midwife the morning before (that Monday), had my blood drawn again, and then went in for that scan that afternoon.  We were laughing at that first appointment because I was walking normally and felt great (that changed daily the last two or three weeks).  Second appointment was weird… Noone agreed on positions and a dr was called in… she pointed out where they were finally and said I needed to discuss plans with the midwife.

We went to run errands after that and got a call on the way home saying the official report said differently than what she’d told me… We were all confused by that, but I was alone back there and no way to say for sure… So officially at that point Leith was now baby A and transverse by my cervix.   We made plans for me to see a chiropractor asap and then go in again in a few days with the midwife present.

Obviously I was stressed at this point…

I went to bed that night though, with plans of making calls the next morning and all that.. and woke up at 3 in the morning to a pop.  My water broke… On my freaking due date.

Called the midwife… Got up and took my last weekly picture – I’d made it to 40 I was getting that picture lol.  She headed over here to see if she could see what positions they were in and called to find out my lab results.  She was pretty sure Anisa was still A and felt butt and feet, but either way… My iron levels were just under what we could safely birth out of hospital with.

So plans were made to go in…

We decided that I would go in with her first, while Jason stayed here with the kids until his dad got here to watch them. That way we could get all the admittance stuff over with… At that point I was a little nervous going in… I knew with their positions it would be a csection, which I was scared to death of… but I knew I needed to go in and was excited about the babies.

Got there and into L&D to be checked… They did a scan, and babies were exactly in the positions I was told (not how they were in the report). Someone started to check my cervix and was telling me that due to baby A being breech I had no choice but c-section… Again I already knew that’d be the case in hospital, but that was the part I remember feeling “off” about it… I remember thinking if my iron hadn’t been too low I wouldn’t need one… but before I could even really finish that thought I heard her say that Anisa’s cord prolapsed.

I think someone explained that we were going to the OR right then, I think my midwife told me she was letting Jas know… Everything is fuzzy at this point. I know they did rush me in.  The only thing I remember about the trip in was it being uncomfortable since she had to hold the cord in… and then the iv’s starting and the oxygen mask. I remember being terrified.  And then nothing.

I woke up about 4 or 5 hours later…

From what I’ve been told (if I can work all this out lol) Jas got there just in time to meet our babies right after. They wiped them off and brought them out to him. They got a really cute picture of him from then too.  Apparently they had trouble with my bleeding after and then my bp shot up and I ended up with preeclampsia… so on top of waking up to babies, I also woke up to a transfusion and the magnesium stuff.

After that things were actually pretty great.

This was the same hospital I had Kalila in… so if you’ve read that one, you can understand some fears I had about that… but no, they were great. Everyone was very supportive and nice. There was a lot of excitement over the babies sizes, how far I’d carried them, and how well they were nursing. My MIL came in and stayed so that they wouldn’t have to go to the nursery that night (Jas had to come home with the kids that first night).  I just had a huge amount of help/support… and I’m extremely thankful for that and for everyone that was there and involved.

Recovery… I guess I’ve been pretty lucky there too, but it still sucks compared to after the others. I still have to laugh that despite us not planning to have any more, the first thing I remember saying was asking if everything was done so that I could VBAC if we did.

And a month later the babies are still doing great…

As for official stats…  they were born at 5:11 and 5:12… Anisa was 7lbs 3oz, 19.5 in and Leith was 7lbs 14oz, 20.5 in.

Can’t end this without pictures 🙂

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It wont let me caption correctly, so.. The first two are the pictures I mentioned above from the morning they were born. Third is the first picture I was able to take.. Fourth is of my wonderful midwife with them at our 2 week checkup.  The carseat picture was taken a bit before that, and is just one of my favourites lol. Kids one is obvious, finally got one with them all… Babywearing one was when we went out the weekend before last… and then the pics I got when they turned a month old..