Afrikan Intrigue – Kris Marie Moves to San Antonio

For those who followed Afrikan Intrigue & enjoy the sitcom of Richard Reedy… there is a new movie out “Kris Marie moves to San Antonio”.  Much like the antics of Richard in the “Richard Reedy Show” this movie has the Soapopra like story line of the, well, soap, from which it is based upon.

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The movie starts out with a lone Maasai, standing tall in the spotlight, glaring straight into the camera.  He’s dressed proudly in his red, blue and purple shuka and holds his spear fiercly, toothpick at his side.  He begins to narrarate the story of Kris Marie, how she returned from Afrika to graduate and move to San Antonio.  The Maasai tells of her cross state move with her cousin, her harrowing stay with his brother while she looked for the elusive job, how she found a Church, a job, and a boyfriend.  He spoke of her move into the wilderness that is Live Oak to share an apartment with a friend from college…  He ends his briskly spoken speech about a year after the move and the spotlight slowly dimms as he begins his traditional Maasai dance.

We then go to a bright spring day,  mid April…. and Kris Marie is going on her merry way.  She’s just had her birthday, and Easter, all rolled into one.  It’s a Friday, and she has to work just like on any other Friday.  We see Kris Marie skipping across 1604 to Christ the King, swipe her card and swing into action amidst the sounds of  “Ave Maria” and “Lord of the Dance” playing in the background.  After work she gets a txt message from her friend Dalila, who she hasn’t seen since high school, but apparently has moved to San Antonio much like herself.  She clocks out & plans to go home before her boss can make her stay any longer… but she can’t go home… for she is kidnapped by Dalila and her friends and forced to eat in the Out Back..  She finally escapes before they force her to play pool.. and returns to the apartment to find it empty.  She wonders where Rachel is, but is too exausted to care.

Now, Rachel was supposed to start her part time job at Christ the King the next day… but when she woke up Kris Marie found out that Rachels car began ticking the night before… Who had done it, they did not know.  Rachel had 24 hours to get the car to teh dealer or it’d blow…  So she called in to work…

We jump ahead a few days, and see a rested, relaxed Kris Marie.  She is at Jasons, playing on the computer.. where he is we do not know.  Maybe he’s tied up in a closet, maybe he’s locked in the attic, or maybe he went for a swim.  What we do know is that Kris Marie is emailing her cousin on this thing we call “My Space” and telling him how she keeps in touch with her family, spread out over the country, on there. We see a sad, heartbroken look, as she realizes that there is one that she wishes was on her top 8 beside the others, one that is not there.  Her sister Natalie, who she has not seen in 15 years… But wait… she gets curious… and searches her little sisters name… and… there.. it.. is..  But is it her?

After emailing Natalie, and waiting to find out if it is truely her, we see Kris Marie in a state of utter chaos.  She’s working, she’s cleaning, she’s on the phone, she’s at Jason’s… all the while her brain has left the building.  She gets a reply from Natalie saying that she doesn’t think she is who she thinks she is… but how does she think she knows her.. So she replies and tells the story and waits some more.  Rachel informs her that the car has been “fixed” and not to worry about her…

The next Friday she wakes up from a dream about her sister emailing her to find that she indeed has one… Excited, and unable to wait until that night to read it, she txts Jason & her cousin Las… starting a fight with Jason who was quite unhappy at the early morning wake up.  They argue ferociously over the phone, first over the message, and then over who started it…

Here the movie cuts into a classic Bollywood scene… Kris Marie and Jason are rowing in a lovely row boat in a small lake in the moon light.  The snows off Kilimanjaro, standing majestically in the background, drown out the twinkle of the stars… only outmatched by the roar of Victoria Falls. (How they get there, or how 3 vastly seperated locations end up in one spot is not to be questioned) Kris Marie’s sari blows in the wind and Jason sings “Fahari Yako” and all is forgiven…

After work Jason picks up Kris Marie and they go to UTSA for his performance.  While there they check that message and find out that it is her sister that she found.  However, she has her own life, and wants space… We see mixed emotions pass over her face as she is both saddened, but  understanding.  But now she has a hard task to face… telling her other sister the news.

Through it all, Kris Marie and her younger – unnamed – sister have been speaking… sharing the emotional roller coaster that finding Natalie has brought… She doesn’t want to upset her sister, so she only gives her the bare facts… This upsets the unnamed girl and a fight insues.  They scream, they yell, they type furiously… and the entire story is reveiled… and her sister, understanding and bright for her age, understands and forgives poor Kris Marie.

It is now Saturday, and Rachel should be at work along with Kris Marie… but she is not there.  All day she wonders what possibly happened to her missing roomate.  She does not find out until the next Monday night when Rachel shows up and tells her that  she has talked to the people in the apartment office… It seems she found out the week before that she no longer had a second job and must move back in with her parents in order to keep her car.  Why Kris Marie was not told sooner… we are not told.  So now Kris Marie has less than a month to find a new apartment.  The good news is that she can now move, work at the other CtK, and not have to travel cross country to see Jason or go to Church.

She makes plans to look at apartments to consider the next weekend.  While she is doing this, her roomate begins moving out of the old apartment weeks ahead of schedule.  The place begins to look as if hit by a hurricane (as Kris Marie refuses to let it be hit by a different kind of storm).  Meanwhile, the weather begins to turn fowl, raining chickens and turkeys… The NW store floods causing much disruption at work.

As soon as you think things would begin to calm down… no, Kris Marie completely freaks on Jason… beating him with a frying pan & screaming for no reason.  Luckily the man is hard headed, as most men are, and she did little damage… She berates herself over the incident for the next week as we see her flying into a panic over various details at work… all the while fasting as her roomate has declared the kitchen off limits.

Plans are made to look at apartments after Church on Sunday, but then Jason is called into work.  As they are leaving Kris Marie is informed by the priest that she will hopefully be a mother soon – which renders her speechless for an hour or two… We sit and watch her mouth open and close like a fish that has flopped out of its bowl… Finally she goes to find someone to help her get to the apartments but no…it is Mothers Day and everyone is busy. So she sits contemplating the fact that she has nowhere to go and now can’t get into the nicer of the apartments because they wanted her to go that very day if she wanted to get a deal on them… and shakes her head, pulling on hair, screaming “WHY IS MY LIFE LIKE A FREAKING SOAP OPRA!?!?!”

*credits roll to Emmy’s latest release “Mimi ni Mzungu”

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