Lets Talk Pain… Or Not?

When I first started working out the post I did a few days ago I came very close to touching more on this topic than I did… but decided it wouldn’t be a good idea.  A bit of a soapbox of mine ;-).  No, I figured it would take away from the point I was getting at.  A few comments in I realized I probably should have a bit more than I did though.   That’s ok, I think I’d rather it have a post on its own because it is a big topic.

I’m going to pick on Deborah a moment here (just kidding, I’m not really picking on you… I love that you pointed this out) and quote part of her comment.

I know your birth will be pain free, just acknowledging that not everyone’s is, often because they don’t expect it to be.

She’s right… and actually put into words part of what was supposed to be in my post before I actually sat down and wrote it 😉

Seriously though, this topic can be hard to discuss sometimes because its hard to find that balance, what to say.  Because childbirth can be painful sometimes.  My first child was a perfect example of that… I don’t think I was even in the hospital an hour before I got an epidural.  And I didn’t have added circumstances to make it more difficult (which can happen) unless you count being flat on my back.   And of course there’s the fact that pain free or not childbirth is still a beautiful thing no matter how you view it or how it happens and who wants to take away from that fact (even unintentionally)?

At the same time… I do strongly believe that childbirth does not have to be painful.

Unfortunately (in this instance, because I know there are other hardships that usually come along with falling into the opposite category) most of us probably don’t live in a culture that regards natural childbirth as easy or normal.   I have heard of some women who randomly or unexpectedly have completely easy births without trying (so not saying that’s not possible either) but for the majority of us… we have (I know I have) to work hard to bring that about.  Personally, I’ve had to retrain myself in the way I think about childbirth (thankfully I got an early start on this process) and spent the last months of my second pregnancy doing a combo of meditating, reading, listening to scripts, doing fear releases, etc…  Note: There are, I’m assuming, other ways to do this… I’m going off of personal experience here and obviously its limited to one method.

Now, also not saying that doing all that work guarantees a perfectly painless or orgasmic birth.

I can’t even say that was true for ZJ’s birth…  There was some discomfort at times.  Doesn’t make me think painfree isn’t possible, I actually believe in it even more after his birth and there’s several reasons for both of those things.

  • Towards the end of that pregnancy I started getting impatient. Not because I wanted to rush him, but because of circumstances beyond our control that made me nervous.  One of my midwives was graduating out of town the day he was born. They were all headed over there.  The thought of going into labour with everyone out of town was scary… and I caught myself the last day or two encouraging discomfort with the pressure waves because maybe that would mean it was time.  While other things could influence me similarly (and I need to watch for that) this situation will not happen again exactly as it did.
  • Looking back I also had a small fear of not realizing I was in labour until too late to make it. If pain tells you when to go in what if I miss that?  This is something I need to work on lol.
  • I also lost focus at a few points towards the end… panic started to set it, which brought some discomfort.  Another point to work on.

Notice I used the word discomfort above instead of pain… I can’t discount training lol.  Hypnobabies has you use different words for certain things as a way to change the way you think about birth as I mentioned before and this was one of them… but there’s more to it than that.  The discomfort I felt even at the “hardest” point for me (thinking the worst I had it last time) was nowhere near the pain I felt with Kalila.   And that is what convinced me even further that its possible to have one without it at all.

And of course that is my goal this time around. Will I be disappointed if it doesn’t happen? Not a bit.  But because I am trying to (and planning to) do my best to bring that about you aren’t going to hear any pain talk from me again…  unless we’re talking ways to avoid it.   You will probably, however, see lots of hypnobirth stories shared on FB (hopefully they’ll all go on the fan page like they’re supposed to lol) and stuff of that nature. Partly because I absolutely love them (along with caul births and large babies :-D) and partly because seeing positive stories is very important to me at this point in my life.


4 thoughts on “Lets Talk Pain… Or Not?

  1. Kim says:

    Well sometimes you can go in expecting pain and it is not painful as in happened in one of my cases and sometimes you can go in not expecting pain and then it is. The thing is you can’t predict what each birth is going to go like since each time is a new experience. In general though a positive attitude and a supportive coach/friend will only benefit you and make things so much easier. Even if it does turn out painful you will make it through as millions of mothers have done time after time day after day. Just because something hurts doesn’t make it undoable. It’s manageable with confidence that you can get through it. Anyway the odds are in your favor now. A third ( or 4th 5th etc) is easier than the 2nd and even 1st. Your body is a pro now and knows exactly what to do. It will go through all the stages of labour must faster and more efficiently. I find the contractions with a later baby much easier than contractions with a first.

    Oh and pain isn’t always the first sign of labour. Your water could break first and it’s painless. Or you can just feel pressure not pain or any myriad of other things.

    • Mama Kalila says:

      Yeah I’ve heard of it being easy without prep or while expecting otherwise… is why I put in the part at the beginning that it is possible to happen that way.

      And yes it def is possible to do it even if it does hurt. I know either way I will make it through just fine… but doesn’t mean I’m not going to attempt another pain free one 😉

      As for water breaking, I am so not counting on that lol. I know every birth is different and my water could break, but it never has before. ZJ was a caul birth even… born in his sac. Part of me wonders if Kalila would have been too… Pressure is more likely (and what is mentioned in the birthing class). Is more what I had happen last time when I was focused… so I’m not as worried about that as I was last time, but is something to bring up in the fear release section just in case it sneaks in.

  2. mommybabyspot says:

    Thank you for sharing your experience. I have not tried hypnobirthing, but have heard a lot of positives and negatives about it. I agree with you that panic exaserbates pain. With my most reason birth, I was doing really well handling the discomfort and waves of contractions and then the OB made me flip over on my back when LO was crowning and I went from nice low coping noises to high pitched screams of panic and the amount of pain in my entire body escalated. Controling panic is an important factor of having a manageable, if not pain free, birth experience.

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